


People Live Here

by CyanideAfter



Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M, Stupid shit, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, brain puke, but it's cool, deidara is obnoxious, everyone is hella gay, hidan is angsty, i guess, i should be doing something else with my time, i'm not the best judge, useless i swear, why did I write this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-16
Updated: 2015-05-06
Packaged: 2018-03-18 04:27:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3555998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CyanideAfter/pseuds/CyanideAfter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Crappy Akatsuki kittens story, because THAT hasn't been done a million times before. Heavily inspired/influenced by DaniZaraki's Consider Yourselves Kitties/Man, I Miss the Kitties on FF.net. Two college girls find a box of kittens and, well, stupidity ensues. Not a serious story. Rated T for language and shenanigans.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Of Cats and Friends

**Author's Note:**

> General Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, nor do I own any other songs/musicians/books/movies that I may reference. Though it would be cool if I did.

“What do you mean you’re not going?” I demanded, frowning into the mirror. I shifted to hold the phone between my ear and my shoulder so that I could lean forward and fix my eyeliner.

“I’m not going. I figured I could stay with you,” said my best friend through the phone.

I sighed. “I can’t believe you. You gave up Hawaii to stay with me?”

“Of course I did,” she said matter-of-factly. “You’re my best friend, J. I couldn’t just leave you all alone in your apartment.” Her grin was evident in her tone.

I rolled my eyes. “Whatever, Lucy. You’d better get your ass over here soon then.”

She laughed. “I’ll be on my way in twenty minutes, promise. I gotta go, I’ll see you soon!” She hung up. I sighed.

I guess now would be the time for introductions. It sounds stupid, but I need to get everything down somehow; it was all so surreal - but I’m getting ahead of myself. I’m Joelle Kennedy, my best friend is Lucy Lynch, and this is the story of how my life changed. Not that I think anyone will read this, or believe me, for that matter.

Anyway, I was just dicking around in my bathroom, putting on the makeup my sister had left in my apartment the last time she visited. I smirked at my reflection and wandered out to the living room, turning on the TV. It was the beginning of summer break, and my next semester of classes didn’t start for another two months. I was a junior at Chowan University, majoring in English Education, along with Lucy, who was going for music.

I threw myself onto my back on the floor. It was almost July, but everyone who lives in North Carolina knows that summer begins in April. Almost all of the windows were open. I loved summer.

I shot to my feet when I heard a knock at the door, and opened it with a grin. There was Lucy, and she was holding a cardboard box. My grin slipped into a mask of confusion when I heard a soft meow from the box.

**Third Person!**

Needless to say, the Akatsuki weren’t happy. Well, Tobi might have been, but everyone else was thoroughly pissed. In fact, it was Tobi’s fault they were even in this situation. He had apparently decided that the jutsu in the scroll left from a skirmish with Leaf ninja - that was obviously a trap - would be useful. Oh, how wrong he was. Now they each had four legs, a tail, and could only make pathetic mewling noises.

“This is bull, un.”

“For once, I agree with the brat. Where are we, anyway?”

These two voices were barely recognizable in the cacophony of meowing and hissing. Suddenly, the orange tabby they knew as their leader stood, silencing them immediately, having heard footsteps, and then a distinctly feminine voice... singing.

“... wayward son, there’ll be peace when you are done; lay your weary head to rest, don’t you cry no… hmm?” The footsteps came to a halt next to their prison and light suddenly poured in from the top. Nine pairs of differently colored eyes looked up at a single pair of shocked green ones. The girl gasped. Her blonde curls were quickly tied back away from her face. “Oh, J is going to absolutely love you guys! How could anyone have just left you here?” The felines were once again drenched in darkness before their cardboard cell shifted, being picked up.

They moved only a short way, and they felt the girl shift them so she could use her hand to knock on a door. Seconds later it opened, and another feminine voice inquired, “What’s that?”

They felt themselves move again before becoming still. The first voice spoke again. “You’re gonna love it.” A sigh. Once again, they were startled by bright light above them. They came face to face with the owner of the second voice, a girl with dark brown hair and equally dark eyes. Surprise was evident in said eyes, and then she sighed again.

“Great, just what I need.” She looked away from the cats, who were watching the transaction closely. “We’ll have to take them down to the shelter later.” There was a gasp and an exclamation.

“But J - I thought you loved cats!”

“I do, Lucy, but I can’t afford…” she looked down at them, “ten. Where did you even find them?”

The first girl, Lucy, came into sight, pouting at her. “They were out on the sidewalk, all alone in this box.” J sighed again.

“Well, we’ll feed them and clean them, but tomorrow they’re going to the shelter.”

**First Person!**

As soon as I said it, my eyes found one of the smallest of the nine: it was obviously a boy, and he was all black, save for the orange on his face. I frowned. I’d never seen coloring like that on any cat before, and I made it a point to know as much as possible about cats.

I really loved cats.

He had his little paws up on the side of the box, and he was meowing at me hopefully. I instinctively reached in and picked him up, rubbing his chin. He purred loudly and walked up onto my shoulders, rubbing on my face and head. I grinned, but it was replaced with a sneer when I saw Lucy smirking at me.

“You’ll change your mind,” she said, sounding very sure of herself.

“No I won’t. I just like cats. Get out of my face.” I pushed her over, and she sprawled out dramatically. I rolled my eyes and got up to go into the small kitchen. I dug around in the fridge and found a package of ham. I went back into the living room to see that Lucy had let all of the kittens out of their box, and they sat in a loose bunch in front of her, looking around curiously. I raised an eyebrow, but sat down with her.

I pulled apart the ham and put it in front of the cats, who sniffed it cautiously. Then a pretty silver one started eating, and the rest followed suit.

“They’re acting weird. I don’t know much about cats, but shouldn’t they be all skittish?” Lucy asked. I shrugged at her.

“If they were raised around people from when they were born, maybe not. But you’re right, they’re strangely calm.” I shook my head. “But we’re probably overthinking it,” I said, shifting away from the orange tabby with the strange purple-grey eyes, who was eyeing me piercingly. “Let’s name them, yeah?”

Lucy visibly brightened at that. “Okay!” She snatched up a large blue one. “This can be Bosco.”

I stared at her. “Bosco?”

She nodded excitedly. “Yeah, like the bear from The Last Airbender. Remember?”

I rolled my eyes. “Of course I remember. I’m not stupid.” I sighed. “Fine. Bosco it is.”

The black and orange boy I had held first made himself known by meowing loudly and jumping onto my lap. I smiled and pet his head. “Hello there, Boy.”

“Is that his name?”

I shrugged. “Why not?”

She just laughed.

Bitch.

I picked up Boy and dumped him next to the newly christened Bosco. I was then greeted by a loud yellow kitty, long-haired. I grinned widely and picked him up. “I think this is a Legolas.” Lucy laughed and agreed, and Legolas joined his friends again.

As I named the small blue one, the only girl, Iris, Lucy frowned and asked, “Do you think they’re all related?”

I looked at them and shook my head. “Probably not. They’re too different. Plus, some are visibly older.” I picked up a brown one with darker brown stripes all over his body. “Like this one.” I held him up to my face, and he growled softly, more of a vibration in his chest. I smirked. “Okay, okay, Brutus.” The name came to me randomly and I decided to keep it for the aggressive creature.

Lucy suddenly gasped and picked up an all-black boy with equally black eyes - something else I’d never seen before. She held him up to my face. “Knight!”

I tilted my head. “Night?”

“Yeah, but with a K!”

I grinned at her; she was so proud. “Alright, Knight it is.” I looked down and saw Legolas with his paws on my legs. I picked him up and let him settle on my lap. I saw him hiss at a dark ginger cat about his size, so I picked up the instigator.

He stared back at me with bored brown eyes. My own eyes narrowed at him. “You’re a fighter, aren’t you?” I shared a look with Lucy and we came to an unspoken agreement. “Boromir.”

True, Boromir’s hair was canonically dark brown, but this little cat had his personality.

I just really liked the Lord of the Rings.

“How many have we named?” I asked. Lucy counted.

“Six.” I groaned.

“I hate cats,” I muttered, though we both knew I was having the time of my life. I sighed and reached out to the one furthest away from me, whose fur was black and white, split directly down the middle. “Hey there.” He sniffed my hand but continued to just sit there. “I think you’re a Brad.”

Lucy spluttered. “Brad?” I laughed.

“Hell yeah, Brad. What’s wrong with that?” She just shook her head.

“Alright, who’s left?” I asked. She dropped in front of me the orange tabby and the pretty silver one who ate first. Before I could do anything Lucy picked up the silver and snuggled her face against him. He looked positively terrified, but at a low growl from the tabby he didn’t attack.

“Chairman Meow,” Lucy said.

“What?” I asked. She sighed shortly.

“This needs to be Chairman Meow, or Chairman for short.” She waved him in my face. “It’s the name of Magnus Bane’s cat from the Mortal Instruments series.”

“I know, I was just hoping I heard you wrong,” I grumbled. I saved the poor creature and placed him next to his best friend, Brutus, who promptly smacked him. I laughed before I finally turned my eyes to the last cat, who was still staring at me with those weird violet eyes.

“Rinnegan,” I said quickly, not noticing how he tensed. “His eyes look like the Rinnegan.” Lucy agreed and checked the time.

It was only about eight in the evening, so we gathered the cats in the living room and sprawled out on the floor to watch our favorite movie, The Time Machine. We both agreed that Guy Pearce was better - not to mention better looking - in Lockout, but this was a classic. As usual, I scowled at the points that made me sad and Lucy ‘aww’ed when Alexander talked to Mara about his question and his reason. And, as usual, we were both asleep before the movie ended, even though it was barely ten. I was vaguely aware of a furry body pressed against my face and Lucy behind me before I was out.


	2. Of Ninjas and Slight Hysterics

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So uh.... short chapter. :/ Barely two pages in Google. Well... I'm trying not to slack too much. It'll be pretty fast-moving in the beginning, but next chapter and the chapter after that will be more in-depth.

I woke up to quite a strange sight.

Lucy was next to me, as I remembered, but she was positively covered in cats. Boy had curled up between us, pressing into both of our sides. Legolas and Boromir sprawled across her legs. Bosco was on her stomach, practically on his back. Knight was on the floor next to him. Chairman Meow was curled up next to my head, his own head resting on my neck. Brutus was on the floor not too far away. Rinnegan and Iris were next to each other about five feet away from all of this, along with Brad. They were awake, and once more Rin’s eyes were on me.

I blinked blearily an yawned hugely, arching my back as I stretched. The Chairman’s eyes opened and he huffed before moving off of me, only to curl up next to my head rather than on it. I smirked at the sight.

I sat up and looked over at Lucy again. She was sprawled on her back, her mouth slightly open. I smirked and started moving cats off of her. Bosco didn’t even wake up, so I pulled him up and set him on my own pillow. Legolas and Boromir looked annoyed, but didn’t protest as I scooted them away, and they settled in my now vacant blankets. Boy had sat up and was watching me.

Now that the cats were safe, I stood up and climbed onto the couch. I jumped and landed on top of Lucy, making sure I landed mostly with my arms on the floor so I didn’t hurt her. She yelled and pushed me off of her, laughing my ass off. Some of the cats looked amused, but most just looked irritated.

Lucy sat up, whining. I just laughed again and went into the kitchen to make breakfast. I only made toast for the both of us, and dropped a PopTart on Lucy when she sat at the table. She stuck her tongue out at me and I flipped her off.

I ate quickly, getting up to feed the cats. I dug around in the cabinet in the back of the small laundry area - it wasn’t really big enough to be called a room - and found what I was looking for: the cat food left over from before my ex-roommate moved out and took her two cats with her. Thankfully it was almost full, so there was enough for all of them. Once They were lined up against the wall, each eating from a separate bowl, I walked back into the kitchen.

“Got anything to do today?” Lucy asked me.

I looked her in the eye. “I have to make vet appointments for all the little fuzzies, get them more food, you know, all that jazz.” She rolled her eyes.

“You should probably give them baths, too. They’re dirty.” Her nose wrinkled and she picked up Boy, shoving him in my face to emphasize her point. I took the stupid animal from her.

“Alright, but you’re helping me.”

She grinned and followed me down the short hall to the bathroom. I had her gather all the towels I owned and started the water in the tub. Boy stood on the edge of the tub and watched the water come out with interest. I stopped the water and frowned. “Damn, I forgot the soap. Stay here Boy,” I said, and pulled Lucy out of the room with me to help me look.

We ended up finding it under the kitchen sink, and she threw it at me. “Fight me, bitch,” I all but yelled at her. She laughed.

“You’ll kick my ass!”

“That’s the point. I kick everyone’s ass.”

“Liar.”

By now we had started walking back toward the bathroom. I raised an eyebrow at her, pausing in front of the door. “Okay, name one person who’s ass I couldn’t kick.”

She narrowed her eyes at me and was silent for a while. “...Madara Uchiha.” I laughed.

“Please, Madara’s my bitch,” I said as I opened the door, and my voice trailed off. The first thing I noticed was the water all over the floor. Then my eyes trailed up, and I just barely had the thought to hurl the bottle in my hand at the sight in front of me as I could before I pushed Lucy back out of the room, slamming the door behind me. I barely heard a faint sigh. Lucy’s arms were around my torso almost instantly, and she was speaking a mile a minute - nervous ranting, probably. I was too busy trying to process what had happened. Boy had turned into a man. A naked man. A hot naked man. A hot, masked, naked man that I recognized.

“Come on,” I growled and pried Lucy off of me, taking her hand and taking her back into the living room, where all the kitties were sitting around. I narrowed my eyes at them and placed my fists on my hips.

“So, are all of you anime characters, or is the ninja in my bathroom the exception?”


	3. Of Arguing and Movies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh look, a new chapter. Wow. I'm a slacker. But school's been getting intense the closer we get to exam time - two weeks! - and softball has started.
> 
> Anyway, here's my puke of words written instead of completing my review.

I was met by several baffled meows. Rinnegan walked up to me calmly and made a noise in his throat.

“Well, I guess that answers that.” I turned to Lucy, who still looked out of it. I poked her neck. “Hey, bitch. I need your opinion.”

She looked at me and seemed to sense what I was going to ask. “We can’t leave them as cats!” she exclaimed.

I frowned. “Why not?”

“Because it’s unethical! Besides, you’ve already turned one; why not turn all of them? If you purposely leave them as cats, they’ll make your life hell.”

“I’d take cat scratches over being killed any day,” I said seriously.

“Tobi wouldn’t let anyone hurt girl-chan!” I jumped a foot in the air at the sudden, high-pitched voice behind me. I whirled around, pulling Lucy behind me, and came face-to-face with none other than - you guessed it - Tobi. Madara Uchiha. My eyes narrowed and before I could make a snarky remark that would probably get me very injured, Lucy cut in.

“See, J? He said they won’t hurt us.” She pulled the puppy eyes on me.

I stared at her before sighing. “Fine, but you’re turning them. I’ll find clothes.” I pushed her toward the cats before sulking down the hallway, running into Tobi’s shoulder with my own as I passed - he didn’t move, and really I hit more of his arm than his shoulder, but it gave me satisfaction. I opened the hall closet next and dug around in it. My old roommate often had her boyfriends over, and she had a habit of keeping clothes, so I figured I might be able to find something for all of them until I could get more clothes from the mall.

I rolled my eyes when I heard Lucy start giggling uncontrollably. I gathered up all the clothes I could and walked out into the living room. I crossed my arms after I put the clothes down and stared hard at Tobi. He shifted.

“What?” he finally exclaimed. I just narrowed my eyes at him.

“Here.” I picked up a T-shirt and a pair of jeans and threw them at him. He caught them easily. “Put them on. I don’t need naked men crowding my poor little apartment.” He just stared at me so I picked the clothes back up and wandered down the hallway, where Lucy had gathered the man-cats in my room.

I looked around and sighed. “I had a feeling it might be you guys, but I was hoping otherwise.” I threw the clothes at Lucy, who promptly let them all fall to the floor. “Get them dressed. I need to go scream into a pillow or something.” She only grinned. Against my better judgment, I left her in a room full of psychopaths, and went outside into the hall.

Throwing myself face-first onto the floor, I groaned the longest, loudest Tina Belcher groan I could muster. I stopped but didn’t look up at the familiar weight of Lucy sitting on my back.

“J, it’s not so bad. I mean, you read those fanfictions all the time.”

I sat up quickly, throwing her off of me. “That’s the thing, Lucy. This isn’t a fanfiction! This is the real deal. My apartment is full of cold-blooded killers who would not hesitate to kill us if they found out how much we know.” I lowered my voice, though I didn’t think it would make much of a difference. She frowned at me.

“Jo, they said-”

“They’re _liars_ , Lucy,” I growled. “Murderers. Criminals. _Ninja_. This is not a good situation, dumbass.”

She frowned at me, and for the first time in more than a year, she actually seemed irritated with me. “Listen, Joelle.” I twitched at the use of my full first name. “We are going to help them. We will clothe them and feed them and keep them safe from the government.” I rolled my eyes at that. “And we will help them try to figure out how to get back. Okay?”

I ran a hand down my face. “How do we know they won’t hurt us?”

She actually laughed. “Because they need us. They’re vulnerable, JJ, no matter how hard they may try to make us believe otherwise. They can threaten and intimidate as much as they want, but they can’t hurt us. They don’t know our world, and wouldn’t stand a chance on the outside. Besides, how much of a threat are two puny college kids anyway?”

“Hey, I am not puny,” I protested. She laughed, and was about to reply when she was cut off.

“You’re both pathetic, hm.”

I twitched, getting to my feet. “Listen, all of you.” I placed my fists on my hips. Lucy often told me it made me look like an angry mother, and nobody wanted to mess with that. I let my eyes shift over all ten of the criminals in my apartment. “You heard Lucy. We’ll help you, and you won’t hurt us. You won’t break my house, and you won’t kill anybody. Got it?”

I probably would have been yelled at if Pein hadn’t stepped in. “We will cooperate, but we will not tolerate disrespect.” His creepy-ass eyes locked mine, narrowing. I stared back for about five seconds before I lost it.

I laughed so hard and so long that tear fell from my eyes. I collapsed to the floor, and Lucy followed soon after, and we leaned on each other for support. I distantly heard a sigh and someone ask what the hell was going on.

I recovered first, and faced the criminals again, checking the clock on the wall. “Alright, I’m gonna make dinner, and then we’ll figure out where everyone’s gonna sleep.” I looked at Lucy. “You’re with me, whatever we do.” At her nod I left her to get the Akatsuki settled.

I decided to just make frozen pizza, AKA ninety percent of my diet, especially during exam season. I hoped the four that I had would be enough and set two to cooking and plopped my ass on the floor, sighing and leaning my head back against the cabinets.

What was I supposed to do? I could barely take care of myself, let alone ten supposedly fictional criminals who basically had superpowers. I had a feeling it would be a tense… how long were they going to stay, anyway? How long would it take to figure out how they got here, and subsequently, how they would get back?

I shook my head to clear my thoughts as the oven timer went off, and after I replaced the pizzas with the last two, I turned to come face-to-face with one immortal albino. I had to admit, he looked different in person, and wasn’t, y’know, animated.

I still frowned at him though. “What do you want?”

He huffed. “It was boring in there. Your dumbass friend put on a movie and the others aren’t saying anything, so I figured I’d come find something to fucking do.”

For some reason I had expected him to be… louder. And more vulgar. “What movie did she put on?” I inquired.

“Something about a ring and these short as fuck dudes trying to destroy it.”

I grinned. “Oh, the Lord of the Rings. You’ll probably like it, actually. It has a lot of fighting. And the elves are immortal, but they’re a bit peaceful for you.” He stared at me, and I shifted. “What?”

He shook his head and wandered off, muttering something about me being disturbing with how much I knew. I laughed and called the rest in, and showed them to plates and such, leaving them to it once I got my own pizza and retreated to the living room.

Lucy soon settled beside me, her leg touching mine, and our shoulders brushing. It was nice to know she was there as we ate, and the living room filled back up. I ignored the chatter of the Akatsuki, choosing to focus on one of my favorite movies. I was exhausted, and Lucy let me use her shoulder as a pillow. I vaguely remembered seeing the Balrog briefly before I drifted off, distantly realizing that I never organized anywhere for my visitors to sleep.


End file.
